Something Everyone Asks About

The most common question I hear as a foster parent is some version of, “But, won’t you get attached?”

I used to bristle at this question. Of course we get attached. That’s the whole point. Kids in foster care have already experienced trauma and many have come from a background that has not allowed healthy attachment. The goal is for us to become attached.

When a child enters foster care, they’re stepping into the unknown. They’re leaving behind everything familiar – good, bad, or in-between. What they need most isn’t a perfectly coordinated home or someone with a social work degree. They need connection, stability, safety, and love.

They need someone who is willing to get attached.

That attachment helps them begin to heal. It teaches them what healthy relationships look like. It gives them a foundation of trust – sometimes for the first time in their lives. It lets them know that they are seen and heard and loved. That they are worth getting attached to.

Now, when I hear this question, I know it comes from a good place. It reflects a deep emotional concern people have with the idea of loving and caring for a child who might leave. It’s usually asked with genuine curiosity, or sometimes disbelief. People wonder how foster parents handle the emotional toll of saying goodbye.

I won’t lie or sugar coat the truth. Saying goodbye is hard. It’s grief. Sometimes it hits months after a child leaves, when you come across a sippy cup, Barbie doll shoe, or phone charger left in the outlet. But the pain of my loss will never outweigh the value of what that child gained while they were in our home.

Foster care is not about protecting my heart. It’s about protecting theirs.

Every child who walks through our front door deserves to be part of a family who is all in. Even if it’s only for a season. I choose to love without guarantees or conditions. That’s the kind of love that changes lives.

So yes, I get attached.
Yes, I cry when they leave.
Yes, it breaks my heart sometimes.

But I will get up and do it all again tomorrow. Because their healing matters more than my comfort. And that’s what being a foster parent is all about.